written by Joshua Coffman
Several years ago, I went into a period of my life where I became extremely judgmental. To be completely honest, I think I was just trying to make sense of the confusion that surrounded me. People were compromising and making excuses for the things that they were doing and I wasn’t completely understanding of what God’s will was for my life as a teenager and young adult.
So at one point I began teaching that those that were divorced and remarried were obligated to break off their relationship with their new spouse and return to their previous marriage. This was a wicked teaching.
I think why I took a wrong turn on that doctrine was because of the specific situation that I was struggling with. A pastor got remarried immediately after his divorce and started teaching his congregation that it was okay for him to remain the pastor.
He was/is wrong. But I was too. I was wrong for teaching people to break off their current marriages to return to their previous spouse.
Now I do believe that adulterers should be put to death. But I don’t think that the police should be the ones putting them to death. I have a whole different system of government that I believe should be established and if we were to start honor killing adulterers today, we would be just as wrong as if we started selling people into slavery. (which is happening in open air markets as of today, please stand up against this modern wickedness)
But besides that I believe that once you commit the sin of getting remarried, you become one with that person and your vow to them is now valid. So to break that vow is just as wicked as the first time you broke your marital vows.
So I wanted to apologize and correct myself publicly.
If you are a young person, remember that once you get married you are bound to that person until one of you die. If you get divorced, you are to remain unmarried until one of you dies. Even if your ex gets married to someone else. You are to remain unmarried until they pass away. That may happen 20 years from now or it may happen tomorrow. But you are to remain unmarried.
If you get divorced and remarried, you no longer qualify as a pastor. The Bible clearly states, “the husband of one wife.” And until your ex dies, she is still considered your “former wife” (see the story of the woman at the well.)
One of the things that came up repeatedly in this whole situation was a concern that if this pastor didn’t get remarried “how would he serve God?”
Of course he could still serve God countless ways, but not by being a pastor. And I watch his “church” continue down a self destructive path, becoming more and more hedonistic. (Which unfortunately I have too)
And we have become self destructive for the same reason: we both put our identity into our marriage.
If we just viewed our marital relationship for what it was, simply a part of our purpose, we would have lived healthier, happier lives and perhaps been less toxic to our relationships.
I purpose to continue seeking the truth. And if I’m wrong I will admit it. It is important for me to continue finding purpose in other things, one of which is my writing for you. I have a lot of friends that have had marriage struggles and I want to remind you to find purpose outside of your wife/husband.
The pressure will build up to unbearable levels if you expect a Hollywood type relationship were your spouse “means everything” to you.
This article is a clarification for those that I have lead in the past, I’m sure you saw through my bad teaching, but I don’t want anyone to think that I still believe that. I want young people to find fulfillment in things other than their significant other. Especially those that get married young.
Have a full life, full of purpose, commitment, passion and of course the love of God.
If you aren’t sure of your relationship with God, please check out my other website AcceptHisGift.com